I remember telling her: “I can’t do this; I can’t talk to someone that I have to look up to. I will just not talk at all.”
It was a weird thing for me to do, to just speak up and tell a person something I was feeling. I’d rather not speak to avoid feeling rejected after.
Much to my surprise however she didn’t bat an eye and offered me to switch places. And that’s how things have been for the past two years. She sits in the chair while I sit on the couch.
At my first appointment after a long summer break and while remembering the first time I came here I decide to take her place in another way as well.
“Tell me how your summer has been.” I start off the appointment.
Again she surprises me. Again she doesn’t bat an eye and takes my place without hesitation. She tells me about her summer and the things she has had to deal with.
She also tells me about her project. She wants to write a theater piece, about psychologists nonetheless. We laugh about the public that will attract.
She admits that she can’t just work on a project like that, but procrastinates by doing tons of other things. We talk about the whys and her reasons are no different than mine.
That hits home immensely. She’s like me and singing, like me and playing the piano, like me and organizing that exposition…
My lovely psychologist is a human being with struggles the same as the people that come to see her for help and she’s humble enough to admit that she learns as much about herself during these sessions, than I do about me.
Her humility in admitting all of this touches me deeply. Of course in the end it’s still me paying the bill. Ha!
Picture taken by Todd Burkes.